


Mistaken Identity

by kingslayers (colbee), Manickmondays



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Eleven Little Roosters AU, Jeremy's and Irish bodyguard what more could you want, M/M, PWP, Slight sub/dom dynamics, This was PWP that got too much plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 15:33:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10311389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colbee/pseuds/kingslayers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manickmondays/pseuds/Manickmondays
Summary: Gavin hated meeting informants. Just absolutely despised it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> keep in mind two things about this fic:
> 
> 1\. it was written by two people!  
> 2\. we completed this weeks before the elr finale, and we took quite a few creative liberties.
> 
> we hope you enjoy our very plotty pwp ;)

Gavin _hated_ meeting informants. Just absolutely despised it. Not only was it below him, they always wanted stuff and were just mean pricks when they had no right to be. MI6 is the reason they have a bloody job in the first place! They shouldn't go around biting the hand that feeds them. He didn't trust this Haywood bloke anyways. He clearly couldn't scrape up enough money for a better flyer, and really? Flyers, for an informant? What had the world of intel come to?

  
Gavin shook it off as he made his way into the dark bar, grabbing himself a drink before referring to the instructions he wrote on the inside of his cuff to get to the back room where they were meeting.

  
It still smelled like smoke, and at the dimly lit table, sat a short, stocky man, dressed in dark clothes and with a shock of red hair, arms folded.   
This was not Ryan. Gavin pressed his arm against the weight of his gun at his side, and set his drink down on the table. 

"At the risk of sounding like an idiot, you're not Ryan." 

The stranger laughs, and doesn't look up at him.

  
" _You're_ the MI6 agent?" he says, and Gavin is almost shocked into silence at the thickness of his accent. "Fuck, didn't realise they'd send out someone so green."

  
"Green? Excuse me, _mate_ ," Gavin's voice drips with disdain. "I have no idea why you're here, but you're not my informant."

  
"You don't seem much like a real agent, do ya? Dressed up like you are." The stranger drawls a little, grinning out of the corner of his mouth.   
"You don't seem like much more than a bloody bodyguard, so I'm not quite sure why you're talking to me like you're hot stuff." Gavin sneers. He hates this guy already. Pricks, every one of 'em.

  
The stranger sighs softly. "I swear, your egos all get bigger every time I met one of you."

  
Gavin's dislike flares immediately. "You don't even know who I am."

  
"No, but I know my employer."

  
Gavins face twists in a mixture of distaste and confusion. "I came here for Ryan bloody Haywood, not lip from some grungy boy with a bad attitude from.. Dublin, it sounds like." He spits the name in disgust, not through a terribly strong sense of national pride, but almost like he feels he _has_ to.

  
The stranger sits up. "Oddly enough, _MI6_ , I'm here for 'Ryan bloody Haywood' too," The stranger looks at him now, his eyes obscured by the aviator sunglasses he is wearing.

  
Gavin snorts. "Oh, perfect! Your employer is working the same gig, right?"

  
"You're as daft as they come, aren't ya?" The stranger snorts a little. "Top quality agents coming outta yer academy, mm?" Gavin scoffs. He _was_ a top quality agent!   
"I'm not here lookin' for Haywood. I'm here _for_ him."

  
Gavin blinks in surprise. "You--"

  
"He _is_ my employer," the stranger says, sitting up. "So if you're here for him... We best be gettin' acquainted, England."

  
"My name is Gavin. Gavin the Third, which I feel like _your employer_ should have let you know." Gavin says as he sits down. "And besides, I don't make friends with the hired muscle, Ireland." He takes a sip of his drink, savouring it.

  
"You'll call me Daley, right? And I'm a little more than hired muscle."  Gavin looks him up and down critically. "You seem to be nothing but muscle."

  
"And you seem to be nothin' more than skin toner and a million dollars," Daley shoots back. "We all have our flaws."

  
Gavin swirls his drink in the glass, ignoring the jab. He happens to be little more than natural skin and a rigorous skincare routine, thank you very much. And he dresses nicely for his job, unlike some people in the room.

  
He just thanks god Mikey's not listening to this. He left his earpiece firmly at home. He could do this alone, he didn't need babying.

  
Gavin looks back up at him now. "So where is Haywood? He's the one who asked me here."

  
"My employer is a very busy man," Daley says, then adds. "He is currently leaving a disclosed personal location."

  
"Ah, lovely, so I get to bide my time with you." Gavin considers knocking back the rest of his drink to show his displeasure but this was also very good, and he had no intention of wasting it.

  
"More time for us to become better friends, yeah?"

  
"In your bloody dreams." Gavin sniffs.

  
Daley has the grace to look displeased with that answer. Instead of retaliation, he stands. "What are you drinking?" 

  
Gavin looks at him in surprise. "Like I'd trust hired guns with a drink."

  
"I'm not about to slip you anything, arsehole. Your meeting with Haywood is important."

  
"I know it's important, you calling me a lightweight? I can handle a bloody drink." Gavin just ignores Daley and drinks, because he's going to enjoy something about this meeting, and if it has to be alcohol, it's going to be alcohol.

  
Daley scoffs, and leaves the room to go to the bar, leaving Gavin entirely alone. Not that Gavin minds, of course. He could kill anyone in this room, as he is quite a skilled shooter. (Or so he thinks, and that's what matters.) He especially appreciates the silence, already feeling the pressure of a headache from that annoying.. boy who was just here and working for Haywood.

  
Why couldn't Haywood just be here like he said? Gavin knocks back the rest of his drink, and is disappointed when there isn't more. He wishes someone was here so he could go get another drink, because he gets the feeling he might need another one before the meeting is over. But he can't just get up and leave, so he stares at his empty glass and wishes for more.

  
And then Daley comes back. "You should dress more inconspicuously, England," he says, pushing an identical glass to Gavin's last in front of him. "Flashy suits are memorable here."

  
Gavin's a little surprised at the gesture, and gratefully takes a sip of the drink, humming a little.

  
"They recognize me at the bar?" Daley nods, a seemingly non sarcastic smile pulling at his lips as he sits down with a pint of something dark. Gavin smiles a little back, and it's also less snide as he points to Daley's drink.

  
"Give you that for free, Ireland?"

  
"Shut up."   
  
  
"I may as well make the best of my time while we wait for my employer," Daley says. "He shouldn't be any more than five minutes away."

  
Gavin sits up straight. While he's spoken to Haywood a handful of times on the phone, they've never met in person. He's admittedly curious about actually meeting him, though the only person he'd admit this to is himself. Especially if he's willing to hire someone like this to sit here and bench-warm for him. Gavin also found himself wondering what _exactly_ Haywood was doing, and where he was coming from. What could possibly be keeping him so busy?

  
Daley fixes him with a look under the sunglasses. His smile turns sly. "Believe me, England, you don't need to make any more of an impression."

  
Gavin sneers at him, and instead of pissing Daley off, it just amuses him.

  
"I strive to make good ones." Gavin does his best to keep up his snark, but it's starting to falter the less negative feedback he gets to bounce off of.

  
"Bloke at the bar won't stop talkin' about you. Coming in here in your posh white jacket and everything."

  
Gavin rolls his eyes. The bartender didn't fit in here, lithe and dark, unlike the burly, bearded white giants that were the patrons. He'd flirted with Gavin, but Gavin rebuffed him. Mikey would be proud. He was even Gavin's type, and he still managed to put business before his dick. He's even proud of himself. Though... putting business before his dick didn't mean he had to completely ignore his dick... 

Not the _best_ trade, in his honest opinion.

  
"Well, we both stick out here," Gavin sips his drink. It's even better than the first one.

  
"I look like I belong in a bar, mate. You look like you belong in a movie." Daley raises his glass in a mock salute and takes a sip.

  
Gavin wishes this was a movie. He goes to say so when they are interrupted.

  
"Daley, have you been keeping our guest company?"

  
Gavin shoots up like a rocket. He knows that voice.

  
"Only the best for you, boss. Even got him another drink." Daley looks towards the door as it opens, smiling. Gavin thinks it looks awfully fond, and he narrows his eyes.   
Haywood chuckles, and the cogs in Gavin's head start turning. That's open affection. Very close, or _very_ close.

  
Haywood steps from behind Gavin to face him. "Gavin the Third, I presume?" Haywood says, smirking and presenting his hand.

  
Gavin stands and takes his hand, nodding his head a little and grateful that someone here knows his name off the bat.

  
"You presume correctly, Mr. Haywood."

  
Something about Haywood seems off. There were the rumours of him, of course. Driven mad after being the sole survivor of a massacre, untrustworthy and slimy. And made of nothing but ice and distaste.

  
"Glad to finally meet face-to-face," Haywood says smoothly.

  
This is not that man. He seems.. genuinely charming.

  
"Indeed. Glad that you trust me enough to meet face-to-face." Not enough to not throw your hired muscle in front of me, but that's no matter. Haywood gives him a strange look, and Gavin feels oddly cornered. Haywood is looking at him like a hawk, and Gavin wants to look away. It's like Haywood... Knows him, somehow.

  
They're not separated by sunglasses, and Gavin feels looked through. Just a small tilt of his head, and Gavin sees so much. Recognition, pain, fear.

  
Gavin can't look away, even when the look is gone from his face, and Daley is stepping away to let him sit, and he gestures for Gavin to sit as well.

  
Gavin sits, no longer feeling in any sort of control of the situation. The ice mask of Haywood slips back on seamlessly, and Gavin wonders if he imagined what he saw. Maybe he did. He sometimes does that. Gavin just takes a sip of his drink, as Haywood steeples his fingers and smirks coolly.

  
"I understand you have information for me, Haywood?" Gavin tries out the coolness he's being given, and he finds it works well, for now.

  
Haywood looks as pleased as a cat that caught a canary. "Not for _you_ , for MI6. But yes, I have information." _For MI6_ . Not Gavin, who was working this job _alone_ but for Mikey. It stings at how... useless both Daley and Haywood think him to be. Gavin steels his jaw and looks straight ahead at Haywood. He's not useless. This information is his, for his mission, not for bloody MI6.

  
He's not being sent with a handler (aka babysitter), all he has is his own wits, and his furious but admittedly helpful friend in his ear.   
"I trust you've received the payment?" Gavin says, feeling a little more barbed than before.

  
"Yes, yes of course, we're all set on the financial side of things."

  
"Good, because I'm realising I don't want to spend another minute with you than I want," Gavin grits, and Daley pushes back his shoulders at the aggressive tone coming from the spy. Haywood doesn't seem affected.

  
Gavin would laugh at how big he's trying to make himself seem, considering, but he's not about to be that big of an idiot. He's one man, with one gun, and he's sure there's at least double in the room. He wouldn't make it out alive.

  
"You best show some respect, mate, my boss here's the one givin' your people information."

  
"Daley, I don't pay you to talk," Haywood murmurs, and Daley sinks down. He turns his mask back to Gavin. "The woman you are looking for is in Budapest."   
He produces a file, a bit out of nowhere it seems, and slides it across the table, it colliding with Gavin's glass.

  
"Everything MI6 needs to know that I can give you is in that file."

  
Gavin picks up the file and flicks through it. Tracking, bank transactions, the works.

  
"Girlfriend?" Haywood asks, and Gavin looks up. Haywood looks... Sincere.

  
"She tried to be," Gavin says, closing the file. "but she used me to try and assassinate my boss. Plus, she isn't my type.”

  
Haywood chuckles, and it's measured and practiced and Gavin wants to strangle it out of him. Smug prick.

  
"Humour me, Gavin, what _is_ your type?" He's smirking again, and Gavin narrows his eyes.

  
"People who know when to shut up."

  
Daley snorts, "Not yer own type then." He mumbles, shifting his weight. Gavin inhales deep, pushing the will to punch Daley away.

  
"It's no business of yours, Haywood," Gavin says. "Our correspondence ends here."

  
"Fine by me, take that back to your superior and have them do what they wish with it. They know where to find me if they need me again. Good night, Gavin." Haywood goes to stand, and Gavin tries, he really tries to bite back what he wants to say. He tries.

  
"What's all this shite about this going to my superior? This is _my_ mission, _my_ ex.. whatever the hell she was, and now, _my_ bloody information. I'm not useless as you lot seem to think."

  
Daley snorts. "We don't need the bullshit from you, green boy."

  
Gavin stiffens. "You know shit about me, you know _shit_ about this mission. You don't know me!" he shouts, pushing up from the table and rattling his glass as he slams his hand on the table. He takes stock of the situation, sees Haywood still sitting there calmly, and Daley with his hand going to his side. Maybe there's only one gun. 

"Actually, _Mr. the Third_ , I do." The files this man has secretly, somehow, is fascinating, but he pulls another one. "Shall we read from your evaluation, then?" He flicks open the file, and Gavin's heart stops and he steps back.

"You fucking--"

  
"Bastard wank, I know," Haywood flips through the file. "Find new material, Gavin."

  
Gavin cocks his head in confusion, as does Daley. Haywood looks terrified for a moment. The mask goes back on, but Gavin knows he wasn't making that up. That was something, that was real, that wasn't a slip up.

  
"What the hell do you mean by that? You been buggin' me or something? Listenin' in on me and shite?" Gavin storms closer, stopped only by a glimpse of matte black steel being produced from Daley's jacket.

  
"Take another step, and MI6 will be burying another," Daley's voice is frightfully cold. Gavin responds by pulling out his own gun.   
"I have never once tracked you down," Haywood sounds scarier than Daley.

"Then what. Did. You. _Mean_ ?" Gavin grits, feeling his grip on the gun slip a little from sweat. He had this under control.

  
Haywood's jaw locks. "I don't have to explain anything to you." There is unspeakable pain, just behind the mask as his eyes search Gavin's face.

  
Gavin faces Daley's gun. He swallows. "Then why do you have so much on me?"

  
"Precaution," Haywood sounds like he could give an iceberg a run for its money.

  
"You think I'm an idiot. You don't believe I'm a threat." Gavin gets a little smug satisfaction in knowing he is right.

  
"No such thing as being too careful." Still cool, still calm.

  
"Bullshit."

  
"Strong words from you."

  
Gavin raises his gun immediately, and he hears Daley cock his gun.

  
"Give me my file," Gavin snaps. "and then you're done. With me, with your work with MI6."

  
"You don't have that power, and MI6 didn't pay for this information. And neither did you. I'll continue to work with your organization, and hey, we might even meet again, seeing as we're all such good friends." Haywood smirks briefly, and it infuriates Gavin. "You have your information, I have my money, that is when we're done. Now." He takes a step back, letting Daley move between them, glaring up at Gavin. "Run along home to mummy, Free." Haywood freezes, and there is pure and genuine terror on his face.

  
Gavin's lips part. He hasn't heard that name in a _long_ time. "I--"

  
"You heard 'im. Fuckin' leave, England!"   
"I--" Gavin is speechless.

  
Daley shoves him back a little, and Gavin just goes, almost bonelessly.

  
"Go on, then, boss wants ye gone, now go!" It's paired with a final shove up against the door, and Gavin doesn't even go for the doorknob.

  
"What are you, dumb? Get. Lost."

  
Gavin scrambles to leave, and Daley turns back to his boss when he does.

  
"What was all– lord, the idiot forgot his file." Daley sighs, and his boss is silent, staring down blankly. "Sir?"

  
"Get it to him before he leaves the bar." He says, sounding empty.

  
Daley uncocks his gun and nods. He disappears from the room, and Ryan slumps into his chair.

  
Gavin the Third's file didn't include a picture of the spy, so he had been completely unprepared for that. Seeing _him_ . Every feeling he ever had towards Gavin came rushing back in an instant, and it wasn't him, it couldn't be him, he's _dead_ and he remembers being afraid he killed him and fuck. Fuck he wasn't prepared.   
Against his better judgement, he knocks back the rest of Gavin's abandoned drink.

  
That was _Gavin fucking Free_ . Back from the dead. And he didn't remember Ryan. Christ, he _is_ going mad. His therapist said he'd been projecting the faces of his dead friends onto others. Maybe that was this.

  
But it couldn't be. The spy even sounded like him.

  
There was too much there. The voice, the insults, everything. This wasn't projection, it couldn't be.  No offense to his therapist, but this wasn't madness, no, not now. Ryan _knew_ . It _felt_ like he was talking to Gavin.

  
Maybe he was missing him. He'd been dead what, two years? He'd been in love with him then, and never moved on. God.

  
That was Gavin. His employer was _Gavin_ . He made it out.

  
How, he doesn't know. How, he doesn't care. Gavin's still _here_ . Still alive. He has to be, it can't be someone else. Gavin is alive and he is leaving right now, and Ryan is about to miss the biggest chance of his life. 

He needs to find Gavin now.

  
He stands, but something holds him back. A fear. Gavin didn't recognise him. Gavin didn't look surprised when they met. 

Suddenly, he's scared shitless.

  
But. But the name. The name, he reacted to the name. Ryan doesn't know what to think. He needs answers, and he knows they lie with Gavin.   
And that spurs him forward once more.

  
He walks out of the room, and runs right into Daley.

  
"M'sorry, boss," His bodyguard sounds breathless. "He's gone. Couldn't get 'im."

  
Ryan feels such a grief settle in his chest, that he physically takes the words like a punch.

  
"We have to find him." Ryan is adamant, and his bodyguard seems a little confused.

  
"Let him leave without his bloody intel." He shrugs, and Ryan looks down at him, eyes blazing.

  
"We find him."

  
"You.. you alright?" Daley softens almost immediately, pushing up his glasses so Ryan can _see_ the calm.

  
"We need to get out of here. I need to find him," Ryan looks at him.

  
Daley nods. "Car's out back. Know you took a taxi from therapy."

  
"It's scary how well you know me,"

  
"I'm only with you all the time, boss." He smiles fondly up at Ryan, and he feels such warmth radiating from the younger man.

  
"Fair point. We should be in luck, he can't drive."

  
Daley fixes him with a look. Ryan brushes it off.

  
"It's a part of his evaluation," he lies. Daley doesn't question him. "We just need to go." Ryan says, dodging any further questions.

  
"I'll drive, yeah?" Daley offers, pulling his sunglasses down.

  
"Much appreciated." Ryan's terse. Scared. Not ready to let Gavin go.

  
Daley takes his hand and squeezes it. They leave the bar in silence, Daley taking the charge. The car is fast, and Daley is adept. Ryan is just... Terrified.   
He's trying to stay calm, but they don't even know what they're doing. They're just wandering, looking for Gavin. This is hopeless, a waste of gas, and yet.. they have to keep trying. He will find Gavin again.

  
Daley takes him back to Ryan's little apartment, and parks on the street. "Track him."

  
"How?"

  
"I'm not an idiot. I know how to plant a tracker."

  
Ryan laughs, a bit in disbelief, and a grin starts to split his face. "God, you're perfect, give me a second." He runs to get his laptop from the apartment, pulling up program after program, until he finds the right one and syncs the signal from the tracker.

  
Gavin's only a few streets down, at a hotel, it seems.

  
"How is the universe so kind to me?" Ryan murmurs as he turns the map to Daley.

  
"Of course he's staying there," Daley mutters.

  
Ryan cocks his head, brow furrowed a little.

  
"Staying where?" He doesn't recognize the hotel, and more curiously, he wants to know what Daley knows.

  
"Bloody... MI6 all but bought that godforsaken place," Daley starts the car. Ryan stares at him in open surprise.

  
Daley apparently knows more than he lets on. So Ryan just lets him drive, leg bouncing impatiently. He doesn't know how he'll find him once they're there especially since, if what Daley says is true, everyone working there is commited to protecting MI6 agents who might be staying there.

  
He has money, and information. Two things no one can say no to, at least not in his world.

  
Maybe he can use the file he has to find Gavin, say he needs to deliver it by hand, they understand, eyes only and all that.

Daley stops the cat outside the building. It looks impressive; a palace. Daley though, doesn't look impressed at all.

  
"Pompous pricks," he spits, and Ryan turns a scrutinising eye to him.

  
"Curb the attitude maybe, Daley?"

  
"And why's that?" He snaps, not a particularly wise choice when Ryan glares at him.

  
"Because, if anything we're going into a fucking den of MI6 agents. Best not to insult them, mm? Don't really wanna lose you."

  
Daley opens his mouth to argue, but apparently thinks better of it.

  
"Right you are," he sighs, turning off the ignition. Ryan sighs heavily, and opens his door.

  
"Come on."

  
Ryan ensures he has the file Gavin left on him, and they head into the hotel side by side. Ryan's.. very very comforted by having Daley by his side, and not entirely because Daley's his bodyguard.

  
Daley had been with him nearly a year now. His therapist suggested that it would be best to have someone other than herself around him, to ground him in reality. He's been amazing. The accent helps. It's obviously not quite right, (and Gavin would be mock hurt at the suggestion it was) but it's close, and it helps. He's always there, always around, and he's stable and solid and oh, hasn't lived through a massacre where his friends were killed one by one. That always helped. But despite the comfort Ryan felt around his bodyguard, that’s all Daley was. A bodyguard. Ryan didn't even know his first name.

  
"Kick me if I say anything out of line," Daley says as they get out of the car.

  
They were professional. And that was it. Almost not friends, just barely there. Friendly, not friends, Ryan supposed. It almost bothers him now that he thinks about it, but Daley always just insisted he use his last name professionally.

  
"I'll be a little more subtle, but I promise to keep you in line."

  
"Ah, you always do, don't ya, boss?"

  
Ryan snorts, and they enter the building. Ryan didn't know what he had been expecting, but it wasn't... Normalcy. The lobby was polished marble and gold fittings. Mirrors and glass tables. A Union Jack and American flag hung from behind the desk.

  
"I'm looking for Gavin F--" Ryan chokes on the name. The receptionist smiles warmly.

  
"Gavin the Third?" she says. "Yes, of course, Mr. Haywood."

  
Ryan blinks. Okay... So they know who he is? "I..."

She smiles pleasantly, eyes flicking away a bit, clearly looking at his bodyguard and how much he stuck out in the posh lobby.

  
"We were informed you two would be meeting. And as he came in, he told us to expect you." Ryan's suspicions were correct, it seems; the place was teeming with MI6. 

"Ah, of course." Ryan says, trying to save face. "He forgot his file, the reason for our meeting," Ice mask in place, he is just an informant. "His eyes only. Can I deliver it?" 

"His room number is 10R," the receptionist says.

  
10 R. Okay, the universe straight up fucking _hates_ him. This is some kind of sick joke. This isn't real, he passed out, Gavin shot him there and he's dying in that room, or something along those lines.

  
He nods, as terse as can be, and he beckons for Daley to follow him as she points them to the elevators.

  
"You okay?" Daley murmurs while they wait for the elevator.

  
"10R," Ryan wants to die, immediately, if possible. "You know what they called the massacre."

  
"The Ten Rooster-- Oh," Daley looks sickened. "That's some shite, boss."

  
Ryan nods, a little rueful smile on his face. "Some shite is right." Daley puts his hand on the small of Ryan's back, and Ryan is shaken by the intimacy of the touch.   
"If you need a sec, no shame in takin' a breather. Gavin'll be there all night."

  
"I'm fine. Sort of." Ryan sighs, trying to brace himself for whatever comes of talking to Gavin.

  
"Do you want to--"

  
Talk about it? No. Will he? Yes. "That's Gavin Free."

  
"He... He was a victim." Daley had done his research, extensively, before starting this job with Ryan.

  
"Yes," Ryan is shaking. Calm down. "I was in love with him."

  
"And you think the man that died back in Austin is the man who's in that room?" Daley asks cautiously.

  
"I have reason to believe it, if only my gut feeling." Ryan's hand is shaking, as is his breath. Calm down. You don't really have time for this right now. "He reacted to his last name... He looks-- _sounds_ exactly like the Gavin I lost."

  
"He didn't look like he knew you..." Daley's hand is still on his back.

  
"Exactly."   
"R- boss, if you need time.." Daley says quietly. "I got no problem getting us outta here."

  
"I'm fine. If anything, he needs this intel."

  
Daley sighs as they reach the tenth floor. His boss looks determined to do this. They walk in silence to the room labeled 'R'.

  
Ryan knocks.

  
There's a long silence that has Ryan shifting uncomfortably from side to side. He debates knocking again, raising his fist and looking over at Daley, eyebrow quirked. Daley just shrugs, and Ryan knocks again.

  
There's an answer, shockingly, and it is Gavin. He looks far less prim, jacket off and sleeves unbuttoned, but god, it's him, it really is.

  
"Why am I not even surprised?" Gavin sighs. He steps to the side, allowing them both in. Ryan is shocked at how much everything _smells_ like his Gavin. This is _his_ Gavin. The air of the agent is gone, and this is his Gavin, through and through.

  
"You forgot your file." Ryan hands it over, and Gavin takes it with a sigh, opening it up again and flicking through it, wandering around the room a little. Ryan notices he's in his socks, and just how _soft_ it all is makes him melt a little inside. It threatens to make the ice mask slip.

  
"Thanks," Gavin sighs. "I see you still have your Irish shadow."

  
"He never leaves me," Ryan says, and Gavin looks up at him again.

  
"Why are you really here, Ryan?"

  
Ryan stops. The tone isn't one of someone talking to a stranger.

  
And he used his first name. Sure, it's on the flyer, but Gavin hadn't _used_ it till now. Ryan feels some sort of weight lift off his shoulders at hearing Gavin say his name again.

  
"Who are you? Why did you react when I called you Free?" Gavin draws up a little, that confusion from the bar returning.

  
"You still haven't explained how you know those things."

  
"You know who I am," Ryan doesn't let himself sound desperate. "You know the stories."

  
"The massacre in Austin," Gavin nods. He closes the file, and sits down. "What's that got to do with me?"

  
"You..." Ryan shakes his head. He is trying not to remember the bodies. He's trying.

  
Ryan swears softly and runs a hand through his hair, turning away from the face that he had to see still and covered in blood. Daley's at his side in an instant, almost cupping his waist and trying to monitor his emotions.

  
"Boss, you good?" He whispers, and Ryan nods.

  
"Just a sec, Daley."

  
Gavin stares at them both. And then something clicks. "I was there. Wasn't I?"

  
Ryan swallows, and is oddly proud, given the situation.

  
"I believe you were, but really, only you can tell me that." Ryan says as he straightens back up shakily. But he's smiling a little, and everyone looks relieved.   
"I... I don't know what I know about it. I remember being told about it, when I'd first worked with you. Just rumor, mostly."

  
"Do you remember nothing?" Ryan's desperation is starting to show. Gavin obviously senses it.

  
"Ryan, I don't remember anything. I'm an MI6 agent," he says, like that explains it. "I've been Gavin the Third for two years. That's all I know."

  
"But you know the name Gavin Free?" Ryan asks, voice cracking sadly and Gavin feels for him.

  
"I do. I don't know how, but I do. I'm sorry."

  
"Gavin, you really don't remember me?" Ryan's voice breaks, and Daley’s hand starts rubbing soothing circles where it lays. He knows why Ryan's so broken up about this. And he feels almost sick at the grief rolling off of Ryan.

  
"I knew the name," Gavin says slowly. "I thought it was the rumours but it's deeper than that. I can... Dig through my MI6 file."

  
Ryan steels. "Your file has nothing--"

  
"Not your research, you thick dolt," Gavin says, but he's smiling.

  
Ryan actually smiles, because it takes him back to bantering with Gavin, falling in love with him. "And what file are you looking at, Gavin?"

  
Daley looks between them, seeming almost panicked. He moves forward, this time cupping Ryan's waist instead of just laying his hand on Ryan's back.   
"You sure that's wise, Rya- boss?"

  
"Ireland, something's up here," Gavin snaps. "I should remember my life, but I don't. I've been with MI6 two years, but why don't I remember anything? It's suspicious."

  
"Aye, I'll give you that, but.. somethin' just seems off." Ryan peels away from Daley, shaking himself and starting to pace.

  
"We-we can figure this out, Gav, what did you say about a file, what're you looking through?"

Gavin's body rocks. No one calls him 'Gav', so why has it had such an effect on him? "I'm going to hack into the MI6 servers. I may be a shit spy, but I know how to hack."  
Maybe it was just the familiarity of it, the fact that no one ever called him that because he didn't exactly have a lot of _friends_ . He's not gonna think too hard on it. 

"Fuck, OK, that, that's brilliant, I.. I.." Ryan's getting excited, a little manic, and he's just jittery and pacing.

  
Daley looks at Ryan. "Boss?" he whispers. Gavin is doing his thing, and ignoring them both.

  
"This is something, Daley," Ryan says, leaning in to talk to him. "This is my Gavin, I know it."

  
"Somethin' just don't feel right, boss. I'm worried about _you_ ." Ryan sighs, fingers shuddering.

  
"I'm fine. I just.. might get someone back I was once afraid I killed."

  
"Did you kill him?" Daley's whisper drops impossibly lower. Ryan swallows.

  
"No," he says. "I didn't kill him. I'm pretty sure he's sitting right there."

Daley nods with a touch of resignation. "Alright, boss, I won't question you again."

  
"Don't stop. You're the only thing keeping me together some days."

  
Daley gazes at him with something very unprofessional in his eyes. Ryan wants to respond to it, but Gavin speaks.

  
"Uh, Ryan. You might want to take a look at this."

  
Ryan comes over and leans over Gavin's shoulder, one hand braced on the desk, the other on the back of the chair. He wants to touch Gavin, make sure he's real, but.. to Gavin, they met not two hours ago.

  
"What are we looking at, Gav?"

  
Gavin breathes in. "This is me. My history."

  
Ryan scans it. Birthdate, parents, alias, hometown.

  
His heart stops. Austin, Texas.

  
"I don't know where this information went, to me, to my file, I don't know what- what's going on, but this is me. Those.. those're my parents, and my birthday, and bloody hell, I'm from Thame, I know that." Gavin sighs out a shaky breath and leans back in the chair. "Maybe I don't remember. Maybe I was made to not remember. I don't know."

  
"You were in Austin," Ryan breathes. " _'The subject in question was involved in the 2014 massacre in Austin, TX. [Redacted] was the only survivor. Subject was collected from the facility where he underwent an in-testing scientific operation - subject was revived. Memory removed November 2014. Subject became an agent in 2015.'_ "

Ryan shakes, and Daley comes over, seeming more than a little stunned himself.

  
"Gavin, they.." Tears that Ryan had not realized had formed streaked down his cheeks as he spoke, voice tremulous, "they took away your memories. I-I'm assuming in the pursuit of trying to keep you from remembering the massacre, but.. they took everything. They took me."

  
Gavin reads the paragraph himself. "I want them back." And he sounds pissed.

  
"I- I don't know what they did, Gavin."

  
"I want them back." Gavin repeats, and Ryan's hand shifts to Gavin's shoulder, and Daley moves forward possessively.

  
"See if you can find information on how they did it. If-if the memories are suppressed we can get them back. I think. I'm not really a scientist."

Gavin nods. "Can I have a few minutes? Alone?"

  
"Yes," Daley answers. He guides Ryan out of the room. "Boss, what the fuck?"

  
"That's him, Daley."

  
Daley folds his arms and scowls, "So you've said. Over 'n over again." Ryan looks at him in disbelief, seeing how he looks like a pouty child.

  
"Why are you so worked up about this? Why do you care?" Ryan shoots back.

  
"Because I don't wan' you to get hurt!" Daley hisses. "You said you were in love with him! But it wasn't reciprocal?"

  
Ryan goes silent.

  
Gavin had died before Ryan could say how he felt. He had even considered saying it at the party, ironically enough.

  
Daley's right. Ryan doesn't know that Gavin will want him, memories or not.

  
"I don't want you to go through all that and find he doesn't love you." Daley's right.

  
"I.. I've been so fucking stupid.." Ryan swears and shakes, and Daley worries his hands over Ryan's shoulders.

  
"Hey, Ryan, you're not stupid." Daley freezes as he realizes what he's done and turns a little pink. "Boss."

  
Ryan looks up at him. The pink matches his red hair. Quite nicely. "I don't mind you saying it."

  
"I.. don't understand." Daley admits, turning more red.

  
"I don't care what you call me. Especially when it's just us. I.. you've been more than a bodyguard, I don't see why I have to just be your boss." Ryan ducks his head, "Because I can tell you're not just worried as my guard."

  
"We're... Friends," Daley says. "If you get hurt.."

  
"I can move on. If he doesn't want me, that's how it would have been all that time ago." Ryan sighs. "Not great, yeah, but.. I'm not alone." He looks at Daley desperately.

  
Daley swallows. "Jeremy."

  
"What?" 

  
"M' name. It's my first name." He blushes and dodges Ryan's gaze, but Ryan lays his hand on his neck.

  
"Thank you for trusting me."

  
Daley shrugs. "Friends know these things."

  
Ryan, a little impulsively, rushes forward to a hug, making Daley jump in surprise.

 

"I'm glad you're here for me, Jeremy."

  
Jeremy shivers. The hug surprised him. It lasts longer than one platonic hug should.

  
He brushes away the thought that it might be something else, then, because Ryan just.. he's always needed grounding. Sometimes touch was it, and Jeremy never shied away from providing it.

  
Ryan steps away. "Whatever happens..." he sounds somewhat mournful. "I still have us."

  
Jeremy bites the inside of his lip.

  
'Us' was one hell of a word, and Jeremy just..

  
He never was praised as a particularly wise man.

  
"What do you mean, 'us'?"

  
"Friendship. I needed it," Ryan is out of reach now. "I blamed myself for so long."

  
"Survivors guilt, innit?" Jeremy asks, wanting to step closer, but he doesn't.

  
Ryan nods shallowly, "And.. I thought that if I'd figured it out sooner.. I might not have lost them.."

  
"It was never your fault." Jeremy sounds fierce.

  
Ryan shoots him a soft smile. He goes to talk again when Gavin's door opens.

  
"I.. think I might have some more information for you.. I don't entirely understand it, but.." Gavin looks more visibility distraught, and Ryan almost leaps to help him, pulling Jeremy through the door with him– and not letting go of his wrist.

  
Gavin sits down by the computer. Jeremy reads over his shoulder.

  
" _'Subject remembers nothing of the incident. Drug therapy conclusion: Effective.'_ " Ryan reads, and Gavin switches pages.

  
"This is the drug," he says. "It has to keep being administered."

  
"Propranolol. With a side of Diazepam." Ryan says decisively, and Gavin looks up at him confused. "Propranolol can be used as an anxiety medication. Or.. to suppress the emotional reaction from PTSD. And.. Diazepam can be used for induced amnesia. Together.. I can see how they'd be used to make you forget what happened in Austin."

  
"I.. they just told me I needed it. Anxiety or summat, I dunno."

  
"And I'm assuming they never said why."

  
"Not a word," Gavin does not sound happy. "Not one _fucking_ word."

  
"Cool it, England," Jeremy says, shocked to hear Gavin openly swear like that twice in one night. Gavin turns to him.

  
"I'm sorry, but I just learnt the agency I give my life to brought me back from the dead and stole my memories. I think I've got every right to not be cool." Gavin says with a finality that makes Jeremy shut his mouth.

  
"I.. don't know how to reverse it. If anything.. it's gonna be deeper in the files but.. I wouldn't recommend just not taking the medication. That's.. dangerous. Potentially deadly. It's all experimental, it seems." Ryan says gravely, pain ebbing through his voice.

  
"Would.. would it be possible to.. get off it? To break the memories through? Maybe.. iunno, they still exist, yeah? We could.." Gavin sighs. "I don't know."   
"Let me do more digging," Ryan says. "Take a break, I know what to look for. This is my job."

  
Gavin pushes back from the desk. "I need a drink," he mutters.

  
"I'll go with you." Daley says tightly.

  
Gavin stiffens as he retrieves his jacket from the back of a chair and buttons his cuffs.

  
"Do I need to be supervised now?" He tries to sneer, but he's too rattled for it to have any bite.

  
"Yes," Daley says. "For the sake of my boss. Get your arse out the door."

  
Gavin suits up, and Daley finds himself preferring the laidback look. MI6 doesn't suit him.

  
Not.. that he was looking, but you know. Hard not to notice the stark contrast.

  
Gavin combs his hair over with his hands, trying to look put together in some way, but Daley notices the way his hands shake as they walk out together.

"Shut up," Gavin snaps.

  
"I didn't say anything!" Daley sounds... Stiff. But... Hurt?

"You look like you wanted to."

  
"But I didn't, so we don't have a problem, yeah?" Gavin sighs and he opens his mouth to say something, but snaps it shut, rethinking the decision.   
"Yeah, I guess not." He sounds tired now, and Daley gets why.

  
"I'm sorry. This is... Probably a lot."

  
"I just fucking learnt I died two years ago and the organisation I thought actually cared for me has been manually erasing my memory," Gavin hisses. "Yes. It's a _lot_ ."   
"... Let me buy your drink." Daley offers, and Gavin just up and stops walking.

  
"What?"

  
"Let me buy your drink." Daley repeats.

  
"Are you.. being nice to me?"   
"Yes," Daley says. "You died."

  
Gavin stares at him. "Who are you, Ireland?"

  
"The guy who's spending this time with you."

  
"Doesn't answer my question." Gavin says, almost gently.

  
"It does for now." Daley shrugs, and Gavin just shakes his head and keeps walking.

  
"I guess I shouldn't question the bloke givin' me a free drink."

  
Jeremy looks at Gavin as they approach the elevators. He wants to tell Gavin.

  
"Thank you, Daley."

  
"Jeremy." He blurts out before he can think about it.

  
"That your real name?" Gavin asks, lips twitching with a small hint of amusement.

  
"My first one, but yeah.” Jeremy takes a breath,  “I... Was an MI6 trainee," he says as the door opens. "I dropped out because their methods--"

  
"--Are unethical," Gavin looks at him.

  
"I was gonna say not the most effective, but considering tonight.. yeah. Unethical." He folds his arms and leans back against the railing.   
"And where'd Haywood pick you up from?"

  
"He needed protection. I answered the call. Been working for him for a year or so now. I was muscle first," Jeremy says. "Became independent after I dropped out of the training program. Three months after, Haywood picked me up."

  
Gavin hums, looking Jeremy over. He's no closer to discovering the source of the fondness between them that so intrigued him before, and if he wants to learn anything concrete tonight, it's just what's going on between them.

  
"He has PTSD," Jeremy says. "At first I was only with him when he was outdoors but... I got a call one night. He doesn't remember it but... I do. An' he was gettin' lost in the memories, I think, losing all his friends and what not. So I go to him. And I tell ya, England. Most pitiful I ever seen a man." Jeremy shakes his head and covers his mouth. "I'm never not with him now."

  
"At least someone could be," Gavin sighs.

  
"How'd you find him?"

  
"I don't... Remember. Mikey, my... My advisor, I guess? Mentioned the name and I felt... Drawn to him."

Jeremy snorts, folding his arms again. "Guess we might know why now." Gavin just hums softly as the doors to the elevator open, and Gavin ushers them to the bar.  
It's thankfully clear of agents. Gavin whispers to the bartender and he ushers Jeremy to a corner.

  
"Hopefully there's no one listening here." Gavin murmurs. "Don't need them bloody standing over my shoulder, not anymore."   
"And I think we can drink to that sentiment."

  
They both drink, and Gavin shudders. "I think my days here are numbered."

  
"You think they'll take you out?"

  
"Dunno. I'm gonna try and get out beforehand. I can't.. I can't be here, you know? I can't stay, knowing what they did to me." Gavin sighs, staring into his glass.   
"You could just... Leave. Like me."

  
"I know too much now," Gavin says. "I'm a threat to the British Government.” He snorts bitterly. "Maybe they'll steal more of my memory. That'll be the trade they offer. Take out years of my life, bit by bit. All for my freedom." Jeremy lays his fingers over Gavin's hand, resting on the table. "Maybe I will. Maybe I won't bother with getting anything back."

  
"Trading your memory to get out..."

  
"I just want to remember Ryan," Gavin sounds crushed. "I know I should, for some reason. Maybe he killed me."

  
"No!"

  
Gavin seems a little taken aback ad Jeremy's insistence. "What?"

  
"He.. he absolutely didn't kill you. He said he was worried about it, that he'd snapped or somethin' but he didn't kill you."

  
"How do you know that?"

  
"I know the case as good as any outsider," Jeremy says. "You all were killed by a Barbara Dunkelman. I think Ryan killed _her_ to get out."

  
Gavin wilts a little. "I see." Ryan didn't seem like a man who had killed. They've all got a look, Gavin had come to know. Jeremy had it. Half of the people he'd seen had it.   
He saw it when he looked in the mirror.

  
He didn't see it when he looked at Ryan.

  
"It was self defence," Jeremy sighs. "He's not cold-blooded."

  
"I can tell. Seems to have a big heart for a man in his job. Cares an awful lot." Gavin smiles, but it's sad and wry. In lieu of speaking again, he drinks. He does so with the desire for oblivion, and Jeremy watches with concern.

  
"I need to remember him," he says softly. "In my heart, I need to."

  
Jeremy swallows. Gavin's got feelings. He definitely does. He can see them, brimming below the surface. He's always been good at reading people, and right now he reads loss, and pain, those are obvious. Longing, desire, a little more subtle. Anger. All but imperceptible.

  
"My heart sings for him," Gavin groans after knocking back more of his drink. "I don't even.. _Ugh_ ."

  
"You had Austin."

  
"Had, being the, ah, operative word there." Gavin says sadly. "I don't know what we had."

  
Jeremy keeps it to himself. He just drinks.

  
"I'm sorry I was an arse," Gavin whispers, almost inaudible.

  
"'s alright. I was one right back." Jeremy whispers back, staring down at his hands.

  
Gavin interlocks their fingers where they lay on the table. "Thank you."

  
"For?"

  
"Saving him."

  
"It's what he pays me for, innit?" Jeremy deflects, not moving his hand.

  
"I think he'd want you stay around even if you weren't getting paid." Gavin prods a little, hoping to get somewhere with his private investigating.   
Jeremy doesn't notice the probing. "I'd like to hope so. He's not the first person I've protected, but he’s the first I've liked."

  
"I think the feeling is mutual." Gavin hums a little, and Jeremy narrows his eyes, a light blush dusting his cheeks. He doesn't say anything, but Gavin wonders if he noticed the probing then.

  
"Again," Jeremy sighs. "I'd like to hope so. I only want him to be okay."

  
"How very noble of you, Jeremy." Gavin smiles, and it's the first time he's felt it in days. Jeremy picks up on it.

  
"You seem much better."

  
"There's a light at the end of this tunnel," Gavin murmurs. "I'm going to get my target, and... Get back my life." 

"And you'll keep MI6 off your back how?"

  
"Not sure, but the light's not that big yet, you know?" Gavin smiles brightly, gesturing widely and making Jeremy chuckle. 

"You really are somethin', arentcha, England?"

 

Gavin smiles warmly at him. "I'd like to think so," he says. "Need to make an impact somehow."

  
"Seems to me like you touched at least one life." Jeremy counters, squeezing Gavin's hand and making him blush a little.

  
"Yeah.. and even from.. beyond the grave, it seems.” Gavin takes the final sip of his drink, “God, I can't believe I for real died," he sighs.

  
"I can't believe they bloody brought you back." Jeremy says with a little snort.

  
"Miracles of modern science, I guess." Gavin drones and let's go of Jeremy's hand to signal for another drink.

  
Jeremy feels the loss instantly, but is shocked by Gavin actually taking the initiative to tangle their fingers together again.

  
Gavin seems to cling to his hand when he comes back. "I hate them for bringing me back but... I'm oddly okay with it."

  
"Yes, England. That makes sense."

  
"Well, I'm gettin' some second chances. Maybe.. a second chance at life, who knows.. and I was pretty young." Gavin sighs. "I don't know if I'll ever know what I was before but.. I don't think I wanted to die then." Jeremy strokes Gavin's knuckles with his thumb as Gavin speaks.

  
"I don't think you did," Jeremy says slowly. "While I read all the victim files, they were small and not filled with much. Yours..."

  
"Probably wasn't there, huh?"

  
"Might as well have not existed." Jeremy sighs. "All I ever found was yer name, an that wasn't much to go on."

  
"Yeah, well, you can clearly thank MI6 for that one." Gavin raises his glass in a mock toast. "To MI6, for ruining lives."

  
"To MI6, for bringing you back from the dead to fuck shit up," Jeremy responds, and Gavin squeezes his hand.

  
Jeremy feels a surge of affection that is.. very strange, but he accepts it as it comes, and they smile and sip their drinks.

  
"Ironically, I'm tempted to drink till I can't remember anything." Gavin says, chuckling. He unbuttons his jacket and runs a hand through his hair, mussing it up a little.

  
"Not ideal," Jeremy laughs. "Remember, you do wan’na remember Ryan."

  
As if on cue, Jeremy's phone beeps.

  
'come back' is all it says, and Jeremy would be worried if he didn't know Ryan's texting by now.

  
"We've got news."

  
Gavin drains his drink. "Fuck."

  
"I'm sure it's fine." Jeremy says, holding his hand.

  
They remain holding hands until they get back.

  
Neither of them feel the need to question it, because Gavin dreads what he will get when he goes back to the room. He's petrified Ryan will tell him the memories are gone forever and that the only way to get anything back is for Ryan to tell him what they had.

  
The laptop is shut when Gavin uses his room key. Ryan is on the bed, head in his hands. Gavin's heart drops through the floor. _They're gone._

  
"Rye...?" Jeremy murmurs, and Gavin's lips part in shock at the nickname.

  
Where Gavin reads grief, Jeremy reads an episode, so he comes over to Ryan and lays a hand on his shoulders and murmurs softly in his ear, ensuring he's alright and that he's here and safe, and all those now familiar paths of reassurance he treads once more to make sure Ryan's not deep in his own thoughts.

  
"Rye, it's alright, you can tell us what you found." Jeremy murmurs as Gavin comes over cautiously.

  
Ryan's breathing shudders a moment. "Everything," he says.

  
"Hm?"

  
"I found everything."

  
"Ryan, what do you mean by everything, explain to us, alright?" Jeremy soothes as Gavin drops to one knee in front of Ryan, not wanting to loom over him.

  
"If he goes off the drugs, his memories will come back," Ryan says, but he sounds destroyed.

  
"But?"

  
"It could be at least five years. Especially with the... 'Therapy'."

  
"Five years is better than nothing, I guess." Gavin says quietly, and Jeremy can hear that earlier hope still in his voice.

  
"Therapy?" Jeremy asks and Ryan shudders.

  
"Hypnosis, I guess," Ryan rakes his fingers through his hair. "Taught brain behaviour. Artificial blocks on memory."

  
"I.. I don't remember the therapy..." Gavin says, sounding a little distant.

  
"You're not meant to. It's part of the hypnosis. You don't remember it, and they slowly trained you to put those behind a wall, and then the drugs sustain it."

  
"So.. if I stopped the drugs.. they'd come back. Even in five years?"

  
"I believe so. The therapy alone isn't enough, because without the drugs you can break those walls down."

  
"It'd be easier if you just told me."

  
"I... I can't."

  
"Why?" Gavin asks, gently as he can. But Jeremy jumps in with an answer.

  
"It's bloody stressful. Probably be terrible for him to go back to that time."

  
"Can... can he tell me anything?"

  
"I was in love with you. Am. Am in love with you."

  
Everyone freezes, and it's like the world stopped. Gavin is the first to move.

  
"Ry-Ryan... You... you love me?" Ryan sobs a little, and everyone can now see the tears streaming down his face.

  
"With everything I have I love you even still..."

  
"Two years..."

  
"I've loved you nearly... Nearly four, Gavin."

  
_That's a detail Ryan left out,_  Jeremy's brain supplies.

  
"I had a crush on you and suffered in silence because I really thought you wouldn't want me back. I meant to say something that night but... now we're here. With too little too late." Ryan sobs bitterly, and Jeremy rubs his back and shushes him gently.

  
Gavin's lips part. He takes a moment to respond. "Can you look at me?"

  
"No..."

  
"Please?"

  
Gavin scoots forward and takes Ryan's hand, almost forcing Ryan to look up with the shock of the touch. But he looks away almost immediately, and locks his jaw.   
"Ryan, please."

  
Jeremy speaks. "C'mon, Rye..."

  
Ryan looks at Jeremy first, and then Gavin.

  
Gavin leans up, and to the surprise of all three of them, kisses Ryan.

  
The kiss lasts for a while, and Gavin has some confirmation of Jeremy and Ryan relationship when he feels waves of jealousy roll off of Jeremy.

  
"Will you look at me now?" Gavin asks, scratching his fingertips over Ryan's beard.

  
Ryan is looking at him, but is silent. Gavin leans in closer.

  
"Let me remember you," he murmurs. "Teach me."

  
Ryan swallows, and kisses him again. Jeremy steps back.

  
Gavin doesn't care, he doesn't care about anything but Ryan and knowing him because he wants to believe that if he just tries those memories will come back. It's how it always works, isn't it? And he was drawn to Ryan, the emotions aren't gone.

  
But he's a little sick that he can't remember if he loved Ryan back. He needs to remember.

  
Ryan cups his cheek, and his mind is in overdrive. He is kissing Gavin. Actually kissing him. And he is _responding_ . Kissing back with the enthusiasm Ryan had imagined he would.

  
He gasps out, "I love you."

  
Gavin's breath hitches and he moves his lips. But he can't say it back, not honestly.

  
"I know." Ryan shudders, and Gavin knows that maybe wasn't the right thing to say, but.. he can't lie to him. 

"Sorry, I shouldn't force that on you."

  
"No," Gavin noses his cheek and kisses him again. "but I need to learn what it sounds like.. I'm responding to you."

  
Jeremy's anger surges. "Well, if you two have each other then, I'll head off."

  
They break apart dramatically, Gavin being almost shoved to the floor as Jeremy storms off and Ryan goes after him, calling his name.   
Gavin can't help but be a little confused.. and hurt.

  
Well, that's an odd mixture of emotions. Jealousy appears next and Gavin is staring at the door, confused. That's a definite response.   
Ryan catches Jeremy, and he looks furious. "What the hell, Daley?" he hisses, and the revert cuts Jeremy deep.

  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm wanted now? Thought I'd leave you two to your little romp and I'd pick you up in the morning." Jeremy rips his arm away from Ryan's grasp, and he keeps walking towards the elevator.

  
"Again," Ryan's tone is dangerous. It makes Jeremy stop. "What the hell, Daley?"

  
Jeremy doesn't know how to answer. His feelings for his boss were complicated at the best of times, and now Gavin _fucking_ Free was in the picture. So he doesn't answer, he just stands there and fumes, fists balled, brow set.

  
"I don't know what's up with you, but it's fucked up." Ryan spits, and Jeremy tries to not to show how much it hurts. And so he sort of does the opposite of try, and just.. rushes forward to kiss Ryan, offering no explanation when he pulls away and continues to walk off.

Ryan is stunned, and the world fucking hates him. "Jeremy..."

  
"I'm sure you can find another bodyguard. We're all the same, after all."

  
"You're not all alike." Ryan says softly, desperately.

  
"You'll be fine without me, wontcha, Haywood?" Jeremy smiles, but it's so pained that Ryan bursts out with a sob.

  
"I'd be lost."

  
Jeremy aches. "Ryan, I don't know if I can be here while he learns he was in love with you..."

  
"Why?" Ryan sounds so small suddenly.

  
"Because I'm jealous! I have _feelings_ and I've suppressed them because you're my subject! And..."

  
"And..." Ryan prompts, before pausing, "Wait, what? You... you have feelings? For _me_ ?" he asks, still sounding small.

  
"Yeah." Jeremy says simply, like that explains anything.

  
"Jeremy... How..."

  
"How long? Months. _Months_ ," Jeremy starts pacing by the elevators.

  
"Oh, god." Ryan shudders and covers his mouth. "Oh god, oh god."

  
"I stopped carin' after a while, how intense the feelings got. Knew I couldn't act on 'em, but they made every day with you amazin'."

  
Ryan is staring at him desperately. "Jeremy..."

  
"And I thought I might of had a chance, but now... Now. You've got the bloody love of yer life back, Ryan. How do I even compete with that?" Jeremy shrugs sadly. "Doesn't matter. You'll find someone else, I'll send some references your way."

  
"Don't leave," Ryan says. "Don't leave me."

  
Jeremy stares. "How do I compete?"

  
"You don't," Gavin's voice joins them.

  
They both look back to the room in unison, Ryan with a soft gasp.

  
"Explain, England." Jeremy says, a little bite in his words.

  
Gavin looks between them both. "This is complicated," he says slowly. "We just met, Ireland," he nods in Jeremy's direction. "but I'm drawn to you both."

  
"Well that just don't make sense." Jeremy says, and Ryan melts a little.

  
"I hate to agree, but... it doesn't make a lot of sense." Ryan says quietly.

“You're preaching to the choir here, lads, I can't explain it. But I... I do feel... drawn to you. I... I don't know. At this point it could be the alcohol and my bloody prick talking but..."

  
Jeremy blinks at him. "What are you saying?"

  
"I want to try this," Gavin says. He sounds scared, but determined.

  
"The... the three of us?" Ryan says. Gavin nods and comes a little closer.

  
"Yeah. Yeah the three of us." Gavin's hand shakes as he lays it on Ryan's arm.

  
Jeremy scoffs. "Yeah, impossible."

  
"It isn't," Gavin says. "I've done it before."   
Ryan laughs, genuinely this time.

  
"Gotten busy these past couple years, mm?" Gavin chuckles back, and he appreciates the opportunity to feel _good_ after the night this has shaped up to be. 

Jeremy gazes at them. "Okay. Humour me."

  
"Come back inside."

  
Jeremy sighs, but he does as Gavin asks. Ryan shuts the door behind them and watches as Gavin sits on the bed.

  
"Come kiss me," Gavin directs at Jeremy.

  
"The fuck..."

  
"I'm humouring you. Kiss me." Gavin stutters a little. "I-I know I can't make you, but.. you seemed like you wanted to play along. So kiss me." He beckons him forward and Jeremy goes cautiously.

  
Ryan watches, almost hungrily as Jeremy walks over and kisses him. As everything is with Jeremy, the kiss is heated and intense. Jeremy's body language changes immediately. He melts to Gavin's lips, much like Ryan did.

  
They clash, two white-hot entities coming together in something passionate and kind of beautiful. As they kiss, Jeremy's reservations fall away, visibly, and he leans into the kiss more. Gavin cups Jeremy jaw, almost possessively. Jeremy is losing any hold on dominance he had. Ryan watches, his head a mess and heart racing. He wants them both. Probably loves them both.

As he watches Jeremy and thinks about their kiss in the hall, it morphs into an _absolutely_ loves them both, and wants them both, and god, how did he get so _lucky_ ?   
It's like two different time paradoxes collided and delivered him both loves of his life. Especially when Jeremy pulls away with a small gasp.

  
Jeremy's lips are slick and pink as he pants and scrubs at them, stumbling back while Gavin smiles. It's almost.. smug, but it's wrapped up behind genuine happiness.

  
"Bloody hell.." Jeremy breathes.

  
"It's a perk," Gavin grins, and it's a grin Ryan knows too well. He'd see it over a computer, in videos. The smile he used to give Michael when Ryan would ripple in jealousy...

  
Ryan shakes his head to clear it of the memory. That isn't the Gavin before him. That isn't the _him_ he is now. Those people are gone. Behind him, and he can't get lost in it because there's so much happening here, now.

  
Gavin turns his gaze to Ryan. "Kiss him," he says softly. "Humour me."

  
Jeremy nods, and turns from Gavin. Ryan goes robotically, like he was meant to.

  
Maybe he was meant to. He doesn't think about it, he just comes together with Jeremy, and kissing him now makes him wonder why he didn't sooner, because Jeremy is hot and warm and he even _tastes_ good, though maybe it's just the lingering taste of alcohol on his tongue.

  
Gavin watches them now, and the way they move with each other is erotic in of itself.

  
Gavin fixes them with a heady gaze, and he smirks a little, shaking his jacket off completely and stepping to drape it over a chair. As he goes, he leans down to murmur, "Excellent, luv, just like that." Into Jeremy's ear.

  
Now he was in his element. Forget all that memory shite, he knew what to do here.

  
Jeremy rises to the bait immediately, and Gavin runs his fingers down Jeremy's spine. The effect is very dampened by the thick leather jacket Jeremy's wearing, and that just won't do. Gavin curls his arms around Jeremy and lets warm breaths fan over his neck as he feels Jeremy up, fingers eventually reaching the zipper of the jacket.   
Jeremy feels Gavin's breath, his fingers, and the jacket slips from his shoulders. The warmth leaves him as Gavin unbuttons Ryan's suit jacket.

  
Jeremy keens for the warm presence at his back, but Gavin orders him to keeps kissing, and he complies. He peels the jacket off, running his hands up and down Ryan's arms and humming. Ryan sighs softly and Jeremy presses into him now. Gavin smiles warmly at them.

  
"So good, boys.."

  
He runs a hand through both of their hair, watching how his fingers break up the vibrant red of Jeremy's hair, and mingle with the soft brown of Ryan's.   
"So good.. see how much nicer things are when we play along?"

  
Ryan makes a soft noise, and Gavin's slips out in return. The telltale moan of Gavin getting turned on.

  
"God, you boys.." Gavin laughs darkly and caresses Ryan's lower back. "I could watch this all night.." he murmurs, trailing his fingers up Jeremy's arm, focus catching on the tattoo on his shoulder. Gavin loves not thinking about anything but sex. It's so easy.

  
His boys part. "Come to bed, loves," he murmurs. He takes his own shirt off, revelling in both their gazes. "You boys like what you see, mm?" Gavin smirks, stripping his undershirt off and sighing as he does. They look at him hungrily, and he soaks it in. He doesn't ever get sick of people drooling over him. He _is_ pretty fantastic.

  
"Lie down, boys," Gavin gestures to the bed. He hates it, but it'll look better with them both in it. God is it tacky. Garish gold and filigree. Properly ugly.  When Ryan and Jeremy are crawling onto it, looking at him doe eyed and blushing, Gavin couldn't care less what the bloody bed looks like.

  
"I just wanna watch for now," Gavin sighs. "Pretend I'm not here."

  
"Bit hard..." Ryan murmurs.

  
"I know you are, but what am I?" Jeremy quips, although it's slightly breathy.

  
Gavin and Ryan laugh, and it honestly scares Gavin how familiar that feels. There's something well worn about laughing with Ryan.

  
"Very clever, luv, very clever.." Gavin settles back, leaning on his forearm and doing his best not to palm himself just yet. "Keep going."

  
Jeremy slips into control, cupping Ryan's jaw and pressing their bodies together. They whisper something to each other Gavin doesn't catch before they kiss again.   
The kisses are both familiar and exploratory, something that could have happened months ago, and as Gavin watches he sees the raw emotion on Jeremy's face. He's wanted this.

  
Gavin, a little devilishly, wonders how he could play with that, seeing as he had the upper hand. Jeremy presses Ryan down onto the bed now, and straddles him. Ryan's hands are on his waist, nails digging in. Jeremy pauses to guide Ryan's hands under his shirt, a small moment of reassurance traveling between them as Ryan slips his hands up and down Jeremy's sides. Jeremy dips down to kiss him again, and Gavin does his best to shift unobtrusively. 

It's... Not hot. It's like a work of art. Jeremy looks so desperate, so needing. Ryan is keening towards him, pulling at Jeremy's shirt. Gavin's hard. He bites his lip and adjusts himself, groaning as he makes contact and disrupting them.

  
He wasn't sure how to do it, but that works just fine.

  
"Hello, boys, how're we doing?"

  
"Like I'm in a bloody dream, but hell.. damn good." Gavin smiles sweetly and leans in to kiss Jeremy softly.

  
Ryan watches, and then shifts. "My turn..." he whimpers, pulling Gavin down and kissing him _hard_ . It's rough, like with four years of hurt and loss in it now.   
Gavin thrives off of it, the passion, because just the amount of love and pain and loss in it is pushing up against that blank wall in his memory.   
Ryan gasps out an 'i love you' against Gavin's lips, and Gavin really hopes that Ryan doesn't mind his lack of response.

  
The lack of response that turns into, "I think I love you too..."

  
Jeremy groans as he hears that. Instead of jealousy. Gavin says it carelessly, as if every time he flirts with true romance isn't careless. He doesn't want to hurt Ryan, but god does he want to play at being in love. It feels good. And Gavin primarily deals in things that feel good.

  
He knows that it's buried. It's there. But for now...

  
"I want you both naked."

  
Jeremy moans lowly, and he's stripping his shirt off before it seems like he thinks about it. Ryan's a little more hesitant, but he loosens his tie and starts to unbutton his shirt. Gavin is sure to make little encouraging comments as more of them is revealed.

  
"Ryan..." Gavin presses kisses to his jaw. "I want to see you... Four years..."

  
Ryan turns to him, eyes wide. He's clearly looking for some sign that Gavin remembers, and Gavin wishes he could please him like that. But he just knows how long it's been that Ryan wanted him, and Ryan quickly figures that out. Ryan nods slowly, swallowing the looks as he undresses.

  
Gavin keeps kissing at his jaw, and each patch of skin that gets revealed, Gavin's fingers are there to explore it. Gavin dives his hand under Ryan's shirt, curls his fingers around Ryan's side, brushes the rough pad of his thumb against a nipple and watches him shudder.

  
"So lovely, Ryan, so so lovely." Ryan shudders at that, looking pained, and Gavin isn't sure why.

  
Jeremy touches his thigh, noting the look too. Gavin pulls up, the look stinging. "Jeremy.. Take over. I'm gunna watch again."

  
"Gladly, Gav." And he dips down to kiss Ryan softly, fingers pulling at his buttons as he kisses Ryan. The nickname, said so fondly, rocks through Gavin again as he focuses on shucking off his pants and being left in nothing but his boxers.

  
Gavin parts his lips, feelings he can't label floating through him. Jeremy's kiss and touch apparently causes Ryan's pain to disappear. That stings again.   
But he doesn't dwell. He can't. He doesn't know what hurt Ryan in the first place, and he's got to be reasonable. Jeremy and Ryan have a connection, both ways, and he's got.. nothing coming from him. 

So he doesn't dwell.

  
Plus, it's just sex. A way for Ryan and Jeremy to finally stop dancing around each other, he gathers. He's just here to shepherd them along.   
He refuses to admit that hurts. 

Because no, Gavin, sex always feels good. There's no feelings here, just fucking and sensation and pleasure. At least for him. If they end up with something because of it, call him a matchmaker. And he can walk away guilt free. Ryan forgot about him before. He would definitely do it again.   
It remained to be seen whether Gavin could forget him but it would likely be pretty easy. Most partners just faded into the background after all was said and done.

  
"I want you both naked, boys..." Gavin takes full charge now. "Now."

  
Jeremy scrambles up, and Gavin finds himself jealous at the look on Ryan face. They undress quickly, spurred by just the tone in Gavin's voice, his silky purr and hooded eyes.

  
"So good, the both of you.. who should I give the honor of undressing _me_ ?" Gavin asks.

  
Ryan goes still, and Gavin reads it loud and clear. He turns to Jeremy, and purrs. "Come over here, baby..."

Jeremy goes, if a little shyly– a shock in and of itself– and settles himself near Gavin.

  
He reaches down to grab at Gavin's waist and Gavin keens a little, just to let him know he's doing something right.

  
Jeremy smiles softly. "I like your body a lot, Gav..." he murmurs. That is new. Gavin is actually _surprised_ and he's embarrassed and blushes and oh, that.. that doesn't happen.

  
"Do you now, luv?" Jeremy nods, and Gavin strokes a hand down his chest, almost possessive.

  
Jeremy kisses him again, and it's not a power play. It's... Tender. Gavin feels the need for aimless sex waver. Jeremy cups Gavin's cheek and kisses him with little pecks, almost nipping at his lips.

  
"Was meant to be getting you naked, wasn't I?" He murmurs absently and running his fingers along Gavin's waistband.

  
Gavin doesn't mind. He doesn't care. It's odd... That he doesn't. But he really, really doesn't.

  
"You were, but this is nice.." Gavin sighs, looking up at him with a smile.

  
This is not him.

  
He's all business in bed, and this is.. not business at all. Something is wrong, but Gavin isn't searching to fix it. Why is he okay with this? He doesn't know, but it doesn't worry him. He doesn't let it. He just lets Jeremy strip him down to nothing and kiss him tenderly, barely noticing when Ryan joins in.

  
Okay, he _was_ in charge, and he liked that. He's gonna.. try this again.

  
"Now, now, boys, don't get me too worked up.."

  
Ryan's eyes lift in him, and Gavin sees his defiance. He complies though, and slows down his touches. Gavin cups Ryan's head and presses a kiss to his temple, something of a reward.

  
"I'm feeling generous, boys, and I wanna know what you want.. and Gavvy'll take good care of you, mm?"

  
"Want you..." Jeremy murmurs. "Just you..."

  
Ryan is quiet. Gavin doesn't know what to do.

  
He does something he's never properly done before.

  
He asks how Ryan's doing.

  
"Ryan, luv, you alright? You can stop if you'd like."

  
Ryan looks up at him, and nods slowly. "Just... Don't know how to be included..."

  
"C'mere," Gav pulls him over and kisses him soundly. He scratches his fingers along Ryan's beard, smiling fondly. "You won't be left out, I promise." Gavin, true to his word, turns his focus to Ryan. It's all appraisal, lips and hands evaluating his body and praising him while Jeremy presses against Gavin's back. Jeremy is pressing kisses to the back of Gavin's neck, slow and steady. His hands are on his nipples, fingers rubbing slowly.

  
Gavin finds himself gasping and eventually directing Jeremy to his little stash of supplies. Just.. to have them ready for when it's too much. That's all.

Gavin about loses it when he can feel Jeremy's cock press against his back. Jeremy is slicked a little, and Gavin can feel the slide and pull as he rubs. Gavin deepens the kiss with Ryan, whose hesitation is dissipating. Ryan's actually _engaging_ now, and it's far better than before, where Gavin could practically taste the trepidation. Jeremy keeps up his motions, eventually slicking up his fingers in his mouth and running them along Gavin's nipples.

  
"Bloody hell.. never.. never had much focus there.. birds never know to do it.."

  
Ryan kisses under Gavin's jaw, and starts sucking a mark. _That's_ even more new. It's bold, and despite Gavin's desire to be in charge, he loves it. It's new, yes, but.. it's been years since he had a hickey.. he.. he thinks.

Ryan leaves a few, until both boys pull off of him.

  
"Gav, if I don't stop I'm gunna come against your back..." Jeremy moans softly.

  
Gavin tosses an arm back to comb through Jeremy's hair, looking back as best he can.

  
"As nice as that sounds, I agree there are far better times for you to come." Jeremy presses a kiss to Gavin's shoulder. "How about you both get ready for me, and we'll see who wants to get done, mm?

  
Ryan lies down slowly, and Jeremy next to him. Gavin kneels between them.

  
"Where's the lube?"

  
Jeremy offers it, and Gavin grins, popping the cap open.

  
"If only I'd brought the heat lube.. we could have had some fun.." Gavin sighs wistfully.

  
Jeremy groans softly, and Ryan stares up at Gavin. Gavin pours lube over his fingers, and then both their cocks.

  
"Oh well... We still can."

  
Gavin rubs his fingers together, before spreading the lube over their cocks, nice and even.

  
"Can, can... I..." Ryan trails off, and Gavin and Jeremy both look at him attentively.

  
"You can say it, Rye." Jeremy soothes, and Gavin shoots Jeremy a look he'll never see.

  
"Can I be the one to get done?"

  
Gavin looks at him, and then looks at Jeremy. "Yeah, okay..." Ryan relaxes immediately. "Gavvy's at your service, remember?" he coos, smirking wickedly. "I'll take good, good care of my boys tonight.." And then you'll leave and we'll forget each other, Gavin thinks. He pushes away the fear that that thought brings. He funnels it into grasping both of their cocks and stroking. Ryan's whimper is enough to push it away, for the moment at least. Jeremy is a lot less vocal, but still very rewarding nonetheless.

  
Gavin can't totally shake the fear.

  
Jeremy presses his hips, pushing himself into Gavin's fist. Ryan turns his head to look.

  
"Can I kiss him...?" Ryan asks softly.

  
Gavin nods, "Be my guest, Ryan." He murmurs and watches as Ryan gently kisses Jeremy, and it's that same raw eroticism that drew them together in the first place. Gavin feels more in control now and he strokes them both in time, watching their kiss. It's erotic, and Gavin intends to keep it like that. No more emotion. Got a little dangerously touchy-feely for him in there for a second, but he's very staunchly refusing to let it happen again. He can't risk it.

  
And besides, sex is so much better without those pesky emotions. Go in, fuck or get fucked, and leave. Easy. Good.

  
Jeremy moans, pulling him from his thoughts. Gavin blinks a little, clearing his head and getting back to the task at hand. In hand, rather.

  
"Ryan, get your knees up for me." Gavin murmurs, letting go of Ryan's cock and making him whine.

  
Jeremy keens to the noises, as Ryan lifts his knees.

  
"Spread them..." Gavin says softly, and his lips curve in a slight smile.

  
Ryan obeys in an instant, and Gavin scoops up the lube again.

  
"Gonna open you up for me." He warns vaguely before pressing his fingers against Ryan's entrance. Ryan cries out softly, throwing his head back. Gavin watches hungrily, as does Jeremy.

  
"There we are, luv, you already feel so good.." Gavin sighs as he presses his fingers into Ryan, drinking in Ryan's keen.

  
Ryan's gasp is soft, broken. Jeremy is watching, transfixed. Ryan sounds amazing, and God... Gavin doing that looks even better. He distantly wishes he were the one opening Ryan up, but he has the sneaking suspicion he might get another chance, if he's lucky.

  
And besides, Gavin looks so good doing it.

  
Jeremy slides his gaze to Gavin, watching silently. His cock is bobbing every so often, leaking. The look he has is determined, but also dazed. Like he can't believe this is happening...

  
Gavin's just swimming in his own thoughts, trying to focus on the sensations and the touch, and constantly finding himself slipping into those pesky emotions again.   
Something about Ryan. It's bashing up against that wall in his head, trying to tear it down. So he can remember. Remember the feelings, the _anything._ He feels the fuzzy, almost hot resistance of his brain against that wall, and he's really unsure what side is trying to tear it down. He wants to remember. He wants to _know_ and, shockingly, he wants to feel.

  
Gavin bows his head forward, a treacherous thought dripping through his consciousness.

  
This isn't just sex.

  
This isn't just fucking some faceless twink or bird.

  
This is _something_.

  
He doesn't know what, not just yet, but the reason this is different.. it's because he knows Ryan. He knows he does. Every look now gives him a bit of deja vú, the blue of his eyes now seems like a color he once knew intimately.. but not much else.

  
Something in his heart, mind... It responded to Ryan. Knew him on a deeper level than first thought. Oh God, what if he'd loved Ryan back? 

Maybe he did.

  
"Gav..?" Jeremy's voice is soft in his ear.

"Mm?" Gavin hums noncommittally and presses a second finger into Ryan.

  
He can't know if he loved Ryan back, not yet. Though he's beginning to have the thought that maybe it might not take five years to get those memories back. Especially if his brain continues the war. And these responses...

  
"Relax..." Jeremy nibbles his earlobe. "Relax... It's okay..." Holy shit, he _was_ tense. Jeremy soothes his hands over Gavin's back, combing his fingers through Gavin's chest hair and murmuring softly in his ear. "It's alright, Gav, relax.." He almost.. coos.

  
Gavin takes a deep breath. He relaxes his arm and Ryan groans appreciatively. Gavin scissors his fingers and Ryan groans and digs his head into the pillow, moaning softly. Ryan is far less wrapped up in his thoughts, it seems. Jeremy kisses at Gavin's neck, and was rubbing against his back. Ryan is whimpering, and his cock bounces.   
Jeremy murmurs something that Gavin doesn't quite fully comprehend about opening him up, and Gavin just nods.

  
Gavin sighs softly, and Ryan gasps into the pillow. "Gav... Gav, stop..."

  
Gavin stops immediately, freezing and looking around, panicked.

  
"What, what's wrong?" His voice shakes.   
"If you don't stop, I'll come..."

  
Gavin sighs and pauses, pulling his fingers out.

  
"Oh, well, luv, wouldn't want that." A weight lifts off Gavin's chest and he returns to attend to Ryan.

  
"Gav? You ready for me to open you up?" Jeremy purrs.

  
Ryan makes a noise that makes Gavin rock. He nods, and as he does, Ryan shifts and when he reaches Gavin's lips, kisses him _hard_ . Gavin keens as Ryan's tongue slips between his lips, flooding his senses. He lets Ryan take charge for just a second, before he pulls away and tucks into Ryan's neck.

  
"Calm down, luv, remember who's in charge.”

  
"I do..." Ryan groans. "You are, fuck..."

  
"That's right, luv, I'm-" Gavin gasps as Jeremy's finger slips into him. "Bloody _hell,_  J."

  
Jeremy chuckles, and Gavin needs to fuck Ryan _now._    
"Condom. Ryan, get it."

  
Ryan reaches blindly for a condom, finally grabbing one and pressing into his hand as Jeremy presses another finger into Gavin and Jeremy gasps.

  
"Bloody hell, Gav, you're so open.."

  
"Have a lot of experience.."

  
"Jesus..." Jeremy sighs, thrusting them in deeper. Gavin shakingly puts on the condom.

  
"Fuck..." Ryan grunts.

  
Gavin quickly pushes into Ryan, making Ryan cry out, face contorting in a mix of pain and pleasure. Just as that happens, Jeremy pulls his fingers out, making Gavin gasp.

  
"J..."

  
"Am I allowed...?" Jeremy sounds unsure.

  
"If you don't--" Gavin can't finish. Ryan clenches around him and Jeremy is ripping open a condom packet.

  
"Just a second, Gav, I got you." Jeremy says, nipping at Gavin's earlobe again and making him shudder and gasp. Jeremy presses the head of his cock to Gavin's entrance, and Gavin breathes out a soft 'do it'.

  
Jeremy pushes in, and Ryan whines, a high-pitched noise that makes Gavin feel drunk. He's addicted almost instantly, and he wants to make that sound come out of Ryan more and more and more. So he tries out a bit of movement, and the dual sensation of feeling Jeremy move in him, and feeling Ryan around him is spectacular.

And the sound comes right out of Ryan again, high-pitched and _ached_ . Gavin shudders. It sounds almost painful, but not for the sensation or anything else, but for the ache of love years old and never forgotten, love rekindled, hope and pain and aching... 

It touches something in Gavin, pushes a brick out of the wall so just a sliver gets through. It's not much, just a gut punch reaction to seeing Ryan like this, something more concrete to that deja vú. 

Gavin whimpers. "Ryan..."

  
Ryan doesn't reply, but Jeremy does.

  
"You feel amazing, Gav.."

  
Gavin laughs, instantly flipping to the dom side of himself– up until today, really the only one he thought he had–and cards a hand through Jeremy's hair.   
"So do you, luv, nice and thick.."

  
Jeremy laughs softly and pushes into Gavin, which pushes him into Ryan. Ryan cries out and grapples for Gavin, and as he does he sits up a little, canting Gavin's cock into his prostate and making him shudder.

  
"Oh god.. fuck, Gav fuck me.."

  
"Oh, Ryan," Gavin smiles roguishly, "I intend to."

  
Ryan whines as he says that, canting up again. Gavin goes harder, sacrificing Jeremy to do so. They'll fall into a rhythm soon enough, but now, he'd like to grant Ryan's request to be fucked, and do it well. So Gavin just positions himself as best he can, and fucks into Ryan with slow, deep thrusts that have him mewling with each meeting of their hips. Jeremy basically rests there, cock more sliding against against Gavin than in him.

  
He'd complain, but it feels so fucking good, even the visual almost has him drooling. Gavin has such a perfect body, and Jeremy hasn't really had a properly good lay in a while.

  
Every time he tried to, he'd see Ryan. And you don't want to imagine yourself fucking your boss, so he stayed away.

  
But now...

  
Things were different now, and he didn't have to imagine Ryan when he was right there. If separated by a thin wall of Gavin. But frankly, it wasn't a bad wall to be separated by, especially when Jeremy can press up against his warm skin and run his hands up Gavin's side. Gavin is taking him hard, and Ryan is barely holding on now.

  
"Gav... Gavin, Gavingavingavgavgavin oh..."

  
Gavin takes Ryan into his hand and strokes him twice. Gavin stops everything, stops his hips and stops his hand, holding Ryan on the precipice of orgasm before letting him come with a force that shudders through him and resonates with Gavin too.

  
The aftershocks roll through him slowly, and Gavin pulls out, hissing at how sensitive his cock is.

  
"Fuck me, Jeremy," Gavin says. "I'm gunna clean up our Rye..." Gavin shifts and buries his face along Ryan's softening cock, presenting his ass high for Jeremy. Gavin watches Ryan's eyes widen at 'our Rye' and he hates to admit he sort of likes the sound of it.

  
Gavin nuzzles against Ryan's hip, lips brushing his sensitive skin and tongue darting out to clean up the come and make Ryan gasp at the sight.

  
"Oh fuck." Is all Ryan can say at the sight of Gavin lapping up his come, beard scratching at the already sensitive skin. He lifts his eyes and watches Jeremy push into Gavin, feels Gavin rock and moan and looks down again and watches that dominate mask flicker.

  
He presses his face into Ryan's hip and just moans, the mask slipping on and off as Jeremy thrusts into him solidly. Gavin feels himself flicker around Jeremy, and he can only imagine, with some smug satisfaction, how good that must feel.

  
Jeremy groans, and holds Gavin's hips in his hands. Gavin doesn't really realise the mask is slipping, and the very scent of Ryan removes another brick from the wall. It's entirely familiar and not, Gavin's unsure of why he knows it, but he does, and there's starting to be a sort of Ryan shaped hole in his memory wall. Just the most basic emotional attachments to him, but... it's coming through.

  
Gavin cleans Ryan up, and then... Stays there. Breathing him in. Maybe he's just addicted to the smell of sex, which is just sort of rolling off Ryan in waves, but there's something warmer and and just.. more comforting to it. Like wood smoke without the acrid note.

  
Gavin moans against Ryan's cock, higher pitched than normal. While he loves topping and fucking partners until they can't remember their own name, he loves it being done to him.

  
He didn't mind what went down, as long as he was in control. Control that had entirely slipped from his grasp, but he wasn't about to admit that. He wasn't about to admit Jeremy had turned him into a little puddle. Especially not when Jeremy finds his prostate, and takes his cock in his hand. Because he wouldn't be able to. He goes momentarily mute. It's just gasps, no moans, nothing. Jeremy renders him silent, the only sounds the meeting of their hips and Jeremy's soft grunts.

  
And then sounds come back to Gavin with a bit of a shock, a loud moan loosening from his lips as Jeremy times a thrust of his hand and one of his hips perfectly.

  
"There we go..." Jeremy coos. Ryan's fingers go into Gavin's hair, so that Gavin's lips would brush the sensitive skin of his cock.

  
Gavin's pouty for all the moaning, and it feels amazing. His slick, swollen lips are just the right tease for Ryan in his sensitive state. And while Ryan knows he won't get hard again, he's calmed down enough that it's just plain enjoyable to watch how ruined Gavin gets.

  
And he gets ruined. Gavin slips into a nonverbal mess, only able to make moans and cries. Ryan watches Jeremy time his strokes and thrusts, and that's... Amazing.   
Ryan watches as tears bubble up and fall, staining his skin and making little damp patches on his hip. Jeremy works beautifully, and Ryan can't help but wish it were him under that strong, determined touch.

  
He actually licks his lips as he thinks about it.

  
The image ripples through him, and when Gavin whines weakly, Ryan shudders. Gavin pants, hot breath coasting over his cock, and Ryan thinks he couldn't be any more pleased when Jeremy grabs Gavin by the hair, and pushes him a little firmer down. He occasionally hits Gavin's sweet spot, and makes him cry out, and before too long Gavin is begging– yes, begging– to come.

  
And Ryan's brain coasts into overdrive, because Gavin is begging and Jeremy's movements are erratic and no longer timed. It's just hot and fast and, fuck, Ryan doesn't have time for real thoughts, only watching Gavin cry out as he comes sobbing against his hip and waves of pleasure rippling down his spine.

  
Jeremy comes barely a minute later with a hiss, his nails digging deep into Gavin's hips. Gavin is utterly boneless, and he slumps down into the pillow and quietly sobs, feeling lost in his own head and confused. The only outlet he sees is tears, for the first time in.. forever, it seems.

  
Jeremy pulls out, and removes his and Gavin's condoms off and stumbles away to throw them away. Ryan turns over and runs back Gavin's hair.

  
"You're okay, Gav.." he whispers. "It's okay..."

  
Gavin doesn't respond- can't respond, really- and just keeps whimpering and sobbing into the pillow. It's pitiful, it really is, and he doesn't like it and wants to stop.

  
Ryan kisses his forehead and pulls him in close. "It's okay.." he repeats.

  
Gavin hiccups as he's being shifted and held close, unsure of what to do other than sob in Ryan's arms.

  
"You're alright, Gav, I'm here."

  
Ryan rubs his back and watches Jeremy walk back in. Jeremy looks at them, and notes Gavin's gaspy sobs. He approaches cautiously.

  
"Hey, Gavver," he murmurs, running his fingers along Gavin's spine. Gavin trembles. "Has he said anything?" Jeremy asks softly, and Ryan shakes his head, looking dire.   
"Alright, that's ok, we'll just stay until he's alright, yeah?" Jeremy rubs Gavin's back, a bit more vigorously this time. "Hear that, Gav, we're gonna stay with you, ok?"   
Gavin sobs again, and Jeremy feels. Maybe he shouldn't have said that...?

  
Ryan looks at him and mouths 'Thank you', which confuses Jeremy somewhat.

  
Jeremy lays down next to Gavin, pressing close enough to be comforting and far enough to not be smothering.

  
"We're here, Gav, you're OK."

  
Gavin is shaking, but no longer sobbing. Jeremy rubs his shoulder slowly, while Ryan whispers things in his ear Jeremy can't catch. He assumes it's just soft comfort, and moves on so that he doesn't have to feel jealous or anything. Ryan links his and Gavin's fingers together, and that's when the jealousy rears its ugly head. But it's jealousy of Gavin, and of Ryan. He's jealous of their past life together, as much as it was nothing but unrequited feelings, and he's jealous of their casual intimacy.   
He's especially jealous because Gavin's getting what he wanted, and Gavin doesn't even remember what they had. Maybe he fucking hates the guy, maybe they were good friends, maybe Gavin secretly wanted to bloody _wed_ Ryan, and they didn't know.

  
He can't push it away. Because that was probably his one chance at Ryan. At finally getting him.

  
And this British wanker had to strut right back into Ryan's life.

  
Of course. Of course a bloody spectre from the past was coming back to get in his way, and he'd _never_ have Ryan now.   
Even if they never saw Gavin again (unlikely), he'd always just.. be there in Ryan's memory.

  
Ryan looks up at Jeremy as Gavin rolls over and looks at him.

  
"J.. Thank you.." he says, and his voice is so small and wrecked that Jeremy's brain stops.

  
Because Gavin.. Gavin doesn't have any ill will towards him, at least not now, and he can't be jealous of someone so destroyed.

  
"A'course, Gavvy, I like to take care of people too."

  
Gavin leans up and kisses him. Jeremy instantly regrets the jealousy because this is a very searing kiss. One that if he hadn't of just come so hard, it'd make him go for round two. Gavin is so soft and yet still passionate, that Jeremy can't begrudge him much while he's kissing and shuddering.

  
"Don't get taken care of much is all.."

  
"I want to.." Jeremy finds himself saying. "I want to take care of both of you.."

  
Ryan and Gavin both gasp, looking at him curiously.

  
"I'm a givin' man, what can I say?" He shrugs, trying to seem casual and failing pretty badly.

  
"Jeremy..." Ryan murmurs, his face completely open and vulnerable.

  
"Righ', I would _like_ to have you both." Jeremy grunts.

  
"J.." Gavin echoes, equally vulnerable.

  
"That's, ah, that's my name.." Jeremy says awkwardly, fighting the urge to roll over and ignore them both, face burning.

  
It's Ryan who answers. "Yes."

  
"What?" Jeremy snaps quickly, mainly in surprise.

  
"Yes. I want you both," Ryan says. "I... Jeremy, I knew I had something for you but... My past held me back. And well.. my past is here." He gestures to Gavin who smiles up at Jeremy. "And so are you, and fuck, I couldn't choose."

  
"I want to try it," Gavin says softly. "I want my past back, but I want my future too."

  
Jeremy swallows, and then laughs slightly hysterically.

  
"Bloody hell, what am I getting into?" Jeremy swears softly, and shakes his head with a smile. ”You know what? I'm not gonna ask questions, not right now. Not about this."

  
Gavin smiles up at Jeremy, and Ryan relaxes immediately.

  
"I just want you both," Ryan sighs softly. "Past and future, I want them both..."

  
Gavin sighs. "Yeah.. I want it all. I _need_ it all, and it needs to be you two."

  
Ryan nuzzles into Gavin's neck, humming happily and pressing kisses there.

  
"Yeah." Jeremy agrees, nodding slightly, "Yeah, I think I need it to be you lot." Jeremy settles down into Gavin's side, throwing an arm over Gavin's stomach. Ryan does the same, linking their fingers on Gavin's slim chest and humming happily in tandem.

  
Gavin doesn't hate meeting informants as much, not after this.


End file.
